Cultivating Self-Worth: The Journey from Low Self-Value to Self-Compassion

October, 2023

In a world that often measures our worth by external achievements and societal standards, many of us struggle with low self-value. When we feel we're “not good enough” and inadequate, this can affect every aspect of our lives, from relationships, parenting and even, our careers.

However, the journey towards cultivating self-worth is not only possible but also transformative.

In this blog post, I will explore the concept of low self-value, and offer my vision how AEDP therapy (Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy) can be a powerful modality for individuals seeking to heal and embrace self-compassion.

I personally grew up in a society where giving each other constant criticism was considered a norm. It was “normal” for parents to be critical to their children, because parents believed that was the way to "show their love and care." Teachers’ role was to be very critical to students, because that is what they considered teaching was about. Some family members and friends were also always ready to give “advice” or show their “care” by pointing out what was not right with me.

What happens to a person growing up in such environment? At some point you start to to believe that if everyone tells me something is wrong with me, then it must be true, something’s wrong with me.

So, it’s no surprise that we start believing what our Inner Critic tells us: “You are a failure; That is not your best job; You are not good (smart, beautiful, fast, witty, hardworking) enough.”

Low self-value, also known as low self-esteem or poor self-worth, is a deeply ingrained belief that I'm inherently flawed and unworthy of love, success, or happiness. It often stems from early childhood experiences, such as neglect, criticism shown by a parent/caregiver, or stress and trauma. These negative experiences can shape the way I perceive myself, leading to feelings of shame, self-doubt, and a need for external validation.

If you're an individual with low self-value then you are more susceptible to developing conditions like depression, anxiety, and eating disorders as a result of constant self-criticism and negative self-talk, which can lead to a cycle of emotional distress.

Low self-value can affect our ability to form healthy relationships. We easily settle for unhealthy or abusive relationships because we feel we don't deserve better.

It can also impact our personal and professional growth, as we may avoid pursuing opportunities or setting ambitious goals due to a fear of failure or rejection.
 

Self-compassion serves as a remedy for feelings of low self-worth. Being kind to yourself helps you heal and feel better about who you are. Self-compassion means offering yourself the same compassionate, supportive, and warm presence that a good friend would provide when you're going through tough times.

To start practicing self-compassion, try doing this practice: imagine your best friend (whether real or imaginary) saying these words:

- I know it's been challenging for you to grow and evolve when you were surrounded by people who were constantly critical of you.
- You possess remarkable resilience and courage for seeking ways to boost your self-esteem.
- I'd feel a diminished sense of self-worth too if I were surrounded by people who only saw things to criticize in me.
- I love and accept you just the way you are.



 

Cultivating self-worth and self-compassion requires commitment, self-awareness, and sometimes support from a mental health professional. AEDP therapy, with its emphasis on emotional exploration, processing, and self-compassion cultivation, offers a transformative approach for individuals struggling with low self-value.
 
At Kalia Turdueva Therapy, I am dedicated to guiding you on your journey towards self-compassion, empowering you with the tools and insights needed to cultivate an emotionally enriching life that genuinely reflects your inner growth and potential.
 
Your self-worth is not defined by what others say about you or your past experiences – it is an intrinsic part of who you are, waiting to be discovered and nurtured. Remember, healing and transformation are possible, and everyone deserves to recognize and embrace their unique value.

Wishing you the best on this journey. You are so worth it.

Warmly,




 

Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) is a therapeutic approach that focuses on creating emotional transformation through a deep, empathetic therapeutic relationship. Therapists trained in AEDP like I am, work with clients to help them access and process emotions that have been suppressed or avoided, often due to painful experiences or traumas.

Here's how AEDP therapy can help you on this journey from low self-value to self-compassion:

When you imagined warm supportive friendly voice (as in practice above), track the emotions that arise in this moment as you hear them. Perhaps you're experiencing feelings of sadness for what you had to endure, anger at the impact these toxic relationships have had on your sense of self-worth, or even a sense of pride that you're here right now despite the criticism you endured while growing up, which left you feeling low, unloved, unworthy, and incapable.

Ask yourself these questions: 

 - What image, event, or metaphor comes to my mind when I remember a time when I felt low self-worth?

Now, stop and slow down to connect with the feelings that arise when you hear that supportive voice inside.

 - How and where in my body do I feel it?

Name the feelings that come up.

 - How does self-compassion feel on the inside? How do I feel my compassion towards myself?

In AEDP therapy, together were can experience the following:
- Emotional Exploration and Processing: in a safe and supportive environment you can explore feelings and emotions that arise when reflecting on past relational and developmental trauma, negative self-talks and critical self-beliefs.
- Self-Compassion Cultivation: For the first time in your life, you can practice self-compassion by truly treating yourself with kindness and understanding. We can learn to replace self-criticism with self-compassionate thoughts and actions.
- Strengthening Resilience: You can develop inner resilience, enabling you to face life's challenges with greater self-confidence.
- Healing Relationships: As you develop a healthier sense of self-worth, your ability to form and maintain positive relationships with others often improves significantly. AEDP therapy can help you break free from patterns of self-sabotage and self-isolation through activating warm supportive relational experience and neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to change. 
 

 

Transformative approach of AEDP Therapy